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Though there are things you could work on, this work has its advantages. First of all, the lofty, poetic lenguage created a thick, immersing atmosphere. The sentences looked finely selected, there didn't seem to be filler. You created a great sense of mystery - sure the events taking place in the dream aren't interesting on their own, but you described them in a captivating way. I kept thinking it's a free verse poem and kept looking for rhymes. None stood ouyt, yet the flow is beautiful. You created great tension, I wanted to read further and find out what that noise was, what will happen next. The language is complex yet not pretentious (sure, some may think atramentous or gorgonizing are an example of that, but I love both words, they sound very poetic and beautiful. It sure as hell sounds better than inky, inkly, ink-coloured. The imagery is amazing. I could imagine all the scenery. My ceveat is that the ending seemed forced - we didn't even learn the motive of the villain. This humanoid went great lengths to disguise his form despite the fact its form could be seen in the water. An animal villain makes more sense than a humanlike one here. The idea with the dark swan reflection is great, so it's dissappointing you ruined it with the humanoid. Give the dark swan more offesive magic and keep him in that form.
Keep writing and f**k jaded "pros".
Sure, it might look like you tried to divert attention from uneventfulness, events that were cliche on their own, but that wasn't the goal here and/or you achieved something redeemingly good.
I've read dozens of books on creative writing and have written for years. I'm not that much versed in poetry, but those whose work I critiqued found it helpful. Apparently I can tell a good flow, rhyme, imagery etc. when I see one.
Thank you for your comment and encouragement. I knew when I got into anything art-related, I was going to get many different opinions. My thing is: If you are content and satisfied with the product you distribute, then that's all that matters. Thanks again
And you're welcome
When you force words upon your readers in otherwise simply-constructed sentences, rather than draw attention to your skill as a writer, they appear as red flags that shriek, "I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO PUT HERE SO I WENT TO THESAURUS.COM AND PICKED SOMETHING WELL BEYOND MY LEVEL OF INTELLECT OR CLASS!"
This needs a lot of work. I actually took the time to read it beyond the first sentence, which is strange for me with something like this. I felt the need to leave you an honest review because the coddling you've been receiving is a disservice to you when, in reality, your writing needs a lot of work.
You can post writings on here, too. Why don't you post a little snippet of something? I'd love to read it.
There will be more coming soon. Thank you for your comment. It really means a lot.